t A L k i N g
heads
For many of us who have been socialized in the Western world, the spoken/ written language is our primary means of communicating intelligent ideas to one another. Our tongues are the speedy vehicles of thought- transmission and we tend to speak logical ideas directly from our heads, from the left-brain oriented, rational perspectives we are so accustomed to delivering along linear lines.
Often in group situations both socially and professionally, ideas and expressions can ping-pong and dash around in all directions, sometimes to the detriment of a true integrative understanding of the whole. As those most inclined to be audible are likely the more confident conversationalists and communicators of the lot, are often the loudest in volume, or the most assertive and direct, are the most forwardly opinionated, educated, or the most "established" or "alpha" of the group, we can miss hearing directly from the quietly perceptive ones, the deeply introspective people, the more right-brained intuitive folks who have much to offer to the ever-evolving group perspective and dynamic.
Unfortunately this can lead to a notable imbalance within a group. It can be difficult to find inroads when patiently awaiting the magic "window of opportunity" in which to share an important insight, reflection or idea which has come alive in a more empathic, introverted person not inclined toward assertion. Sometimes the moment seems not to open up for us and the racing freeway of verbiage swiftly changes direction, leaving many aspects forever unrevealed and steamrolled. Group listening can indeed be one of the most challenging and difficult opportunities for enhancing inclusivity.
When we overlook the privileges we so often take for granted, like our social position, our developed and sophisticated understanding of the English language, our educational background, our own extroverted ease and confidence, and our own clarity about the topics or issues being discussed, we can inadvertently exclude others. We can be so eager to share our two-cents worth that we forget to ask poignant questions, to pause for personal and interpersonal reflection and integration. We may neglect to leave adequate room for others to gently come forward. Sometimes we even compete or wrestle for the dominant opportunity by talking over one another, by limelighting, upstaging or creating sub-streams of conversation that split off from the group voice and create traffic-jams of mental activity. We may then psychologically disconnect, or emotionally withdraw and retreat our listening of others, feeling deficient of the validation and understanding we need from groups. We may overlook when someone is coming alive with a tangible, though silent, internal energy which desires sharing or we simply neglect to sense when someone is feeling marginalized due to the lack of social space offered for them to speak.
This is precisely when we need our right-brained, intuitive and sensitive listening to be equally active so we can FEEL with our hearts, the organic flow of energy and note where it is potentially stuck within the group. Arnold Mindell, an inspiring Jungian psychotherapist and accomplished author who founded 'Process Oriented Psychology' believes that Deep Democracy within a group is measured by the bodymindspirit health of each and every person who comprises the whole and that it's leadership is a shared responsibility mutable amongst many, not a rank fixedly held by the elite few. "As long as there is a sense that one person or level is more important than another, deep democracy is not at hand."-A.M.-
Arnold often encourages personal expressions like movement, spontaneous sound and physical stretching during extended group meetings to keep the energy flowing authentically amongst individuals and to maintain a harmonious equilibrium. How often do we tend to be a bunch of talking heads in stiff-backed chairs for hours upon hours without taking a moment to get up and stretch our bodies, to breathe deeply or sigh heavily, or shake out our lazy legs together?
Perhaps we need to be periodically reminded of the simple and courteous basics needed to orchestrate a successful gathering of diverse people and to help avoid creating any unfortunate chasms of communication. By connecting more fully to everyone present, a group-mind has the potential to benefit everyone while inspiring our ability to create peaceful, egalitarian relations on the grassroots level and beyond.
"Deep Democracy is our sense that the world is here to help us become our entire selves and that we are here to help the world become whole."
- Arnold Mindell-
MeTA-MoRPHo TiP:
Try a different way of T A L K I N G in C I R C L E S:
In the next Board Meeting, AGM, or any other formally organized gathering of the peeps, try arranging the seating in a circle, the symbol of coherence and unity equality and flow. Bring everyone near. Be especially aware of the overhead lighting and air flow and be sure to have filtered water and healthy snacks present. (refined sugar treats produce blood sugar crashes which directly affect our attention spans and compromise our direct participation) Create a simple center-piece to help anchor the focus and intention of the group. In the spirit of our Indigenous Hearts, and with respect for the age-old First Nation's Tradition of the Talking Circle, choose a symbolic or meaningful object to pass to the first speaker, who will begin to address the items on the agenda or the topic of discussion. It is respectful to acknowledge the Traditional Land you are gathered on, so some awareness of the local Nation is integral..
Being mindful of the passing of time, and offer deep listening silence when each speaker is holding the"talking object", continue to pass the object in a Sun-Wise direction to support the positive natural flow of life-energy. An appointed time-keeper could have an non-intrusive way of cuing the time (a light bell, a dinging of a glass....etc.) When the talking object is passed to you, you may choose to continue passing or you may take the opportunity to directly address any aspect of what has been shared about the issue or topic at hand. When you are truly complete, pass the power on......And continue to pass until everyone feels a sense of completion and resolution.
Remarkably, this simple format does generate deeper listening, respect and honour for each member of the group in a grounded, egalitarian way. It encourages authentic expression, directness and efficiency as well as coherence. While it may take a little longer on the clock, it is well worth the feeling of interconnectedness and solidarity which emerges. This feeling sustains.
