Remembering Rufus

In the summer of 2001, I went to an awesome Jazz Festival show at Studio 16:The Paradox Trio (Matt Dariau: soprano & alto saxes, clarinet, irish flute, kaval (Bulgarian flute), gaida (Bulgarian bagpipe) Brad Schoeppach: electric guitar, acoustic 12-string guitar, Rufus Cappadocia: electric five-string cello, acoustic cello Seido Salifoski dumbecks and percussion. This show was I N C R E D I B L E, so full of fire and creative spirit and devastating musical mastery. I was ignited beyond inspiration-I was super-nova-ing in constellations of sheer bliss!!!!

During the performance, which was a packed house of about 250 people, I noticed that Rufus Cappadocia and I kept a comfortable and natural eye contact together, often for extended periods of time. (I was sitting stage-left in the front row) This, even for odd-ball me, was a very rare and unique experience to share, (with 250 people as witness) as usually performers are "in-the-zone" on stage, under blaring stage lights which inhibit the ability to even see their audiences. The fifth wall is usually so present between audience and performer.! Yet, clearly Rufus and I were connecting on some mysterious level within the music itself and our eye contact seemed to acknowledge some kind of remembrance between us despite not having ever met before.

Playing a modified 6-string cello, (which he calls a bass cello because the 6th string is a low F.) I was captivated and enchanted by Rufus' playing. The more I isolated his sound from the group and listened with my full awareness, and the more we connected our eyes together, the more intense my visceral experience of his music became. At one point I felt like the cello strings were inside my very tendons and veins and the music spiraled in me in a way that I have rarely felt before. I was in a highly altered state at this point, and Rufus seemed to know that his playing was affecting me like this because his eye contact became more intimate and timeless. At this point I felt a little shy and self-conscious with it all and closed my eyes.

Once the intermission came, I saw Rufus gesture toward me and I suddenly felt unprepared to meet him in the mundane context. At this point I was so overcome by the energetic connection between he and I, feeling more of a need to acknowledge my heart-ner beside me at this point, to bring him into the circle I had been drawn into with Rufus. So, in turning to Joel, I sent out the subtle message for Rufus to keep his connection with me in the "abstract" realm. He got it of course and went backstage instead.

I am blessed to be in a long-term relationship with someone who accepts and supports my Medicine Walk and all the anomalies, other-worldly, inter-dimensional encounters and synchronicities it brings, which are many and rather a constant stream of influence. Having met Joel soon after my Shamanic Initiation, I was clear with him about who I was and of the Medicine I carry which has a very specific purpose and affect he has come to know well. Joel was intrigued about my connection with Rufus and wondered if I knew more about it. All I could say at this point was, "I remember him, and on some level he remembers me too."

Rufus and I never did meet that night. Though I thought of him and his transformational music while continuing to listen to our Paradox Trio CD, I accepted that some remembrances, however profound, are as fleeting as wind in their eternal nature and are best kept in the silent treasure boxes of the Heart.

A year later I heard Rufus was booked to play a solo concert at the Western Front and was also to facilitate a free 2-hour improv workshop. As an improv musician, I ignited. When the anticipated day arrived, I brought my flute and my voice and sat two feet away from him and his magnificent cello, in an intimate room of 6 other people. We smiled openly. After introducing us to his mighty cello and the unique way it has been modified and amplified to isolate it's different resonances (body and string) Rufus started to improvise with it so we could hear it in its full glory.

I closed my eyes and listened with all of me. Instantly pictures began to form. While Rufus played, I saw scenes of distinct people and places from another lifetime. (I am an intuitive past-life regressionist) These images passed rapidly, yet lucidly and each scene I was in with Rufus was marked by an incredible feeling of love, passion and adventure. I felt I had known him for many lifetimes in what appeared to be gypsy, nomadic contexts in desert-like places. This Remembrance became deeply emotional for me.

I opened my eyes to find Rufus looking into them while he played. He continued to play right into me, into this, our remembrance and I began to weep. I could not contain it for the comfortable sake of the group context. I was no longer in those parameters anyhow. Tears openly spilled, and Rufus continued to play into my eyes. The room disappeared. All that existed was he and I and the music, while the portals of time opened and closed like a rhythmic pulse.

When he stopped playing, he called for a short break and immediately came over to me while others pretended not to notice the intensity between us. Without a word we embraced. Then he went to get a piece of paper and asked me to write down my name so he could create a guest list for me. "Will you please come to my show tonight? "

Yes.

Rufus' show at the Western Front was one of the most inspiring solo performances of my life. He is a brilliant musician and an exceptional cellist whose music transcends time and space. Once you hear him, you'll know what I mean. The power of his sound is deliciously catalyzing, like he is playing invisible strings of the cosmos through his cello, right into you. When the lights went down at the start of this show, they never came back on. Rufus lit a circle of tea-light candles around himself and played to the dim glow of fire.

I am a firm believer in the reincarnational journey of soul. There are many people to remember in a life-time if you so choose. By noticing the undeniable magnetic attractions to other people, the blatant synchronicities, the coincidences which bring you together with another in a powerful way, in this there is often a story within a story. If you listen with acute ears and surrender all logic and preconceived notions, the discoveries are immense and life-changing.

I have learned, by the grace of the remarkable experiences I have had with others, that we will always meet again and again. Sometimes it is to forgive, sometimes to forget, sometimes to just simply remember one another, to transmit some soul-juice, to re-ignite and re-inspire or just simply to vibe together as familiar, kindred souls. Go find them, they are in your life more than you may realize!

In this life-time I have been blessed to remember my connection with Rufus. I love him on a soul-level, which for me is an octave higher than most forms of love. We don't need to be physical lovers in this lifetime to remember this, and so we have kept our connection platonic and resonant.

The music has brought this alive in us
and there it shall remain.
Merry Meet, Merry Part and Merry Meet Again.

SUPPORT INSPIRED MUSIC!
Some of Rufus' Cd's for purchase:
Kif
Bethany and Rufus

Familiar Strangers

The next time you find yourself in close proximity to a "stranger" for longer than 10 minutes, risk reaching out to them in casual conversation. Discover your innate connection, however obscure, you share with this person. First observe where the possible connecting point may be: the style of dress, jewelry, the book being read, the geographical location....etc. Notice your open and innocent curiosity of them. This may be the entry point of your conversation.

You may delightedly discover, as the initial superficial talk meanders, that there is a glistening gem of synchronicity awaiting your mutual awareness. Ask clear questions, be daringly curious! Amazingly, we are often in proximity to another being because of a shared resonance, or because of the mysterious laws of attraction. And after a few minutes of sitting close to someone, we are already exchanging vital energy through our electro-magnetic fields, or auras. Communication is the special link we have as humans, the magical bridge between the path of cosmic inquiry and the divine answer. What we truly need may indeed be a stranger closer than you think........

Guerrilla Synchronization!!!!!!

Keep On Keepin' On

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
-Albert Einstein-

Being that I consciously tread an Initiatory Path of Heart, nothing remains static in my life for very long, and certainly not in any kind of mediocre "half-measures". So, I surrender to being "transcendsorily" engaged in the dynamic fluctuations of perpetual discovery, transformation, integration, and inner/outer expression. As soon as I become lazy or stagnant in my cushy-comfort zones and habits, the Universe pushes my edges so that I may expand my soul-horizons. This apparently ISN'T my lifetime to take long vacations on the beaches of monotony or to try to cash in my divine coupons and save whatever I can of old, out-moded tendencies, however comforting they may be. The Gods don't refund my losses nor do they hand me shiny trophies for my gains. "Keep on keepin' on" seems to be their repeated mantra to me. And so, I keep on keepin' on.

A significant aspect of my life-path is to be in higher service to others, offering whatever healing tools, acute awareness and transformational skills of listening, intuition, and communication I can embody. In all honesty I have struggled with the word "healer", as it carries a weighty responsibility with it and overtly implies that I know something about what needs to be healed in another. In truth, I know very little about the healing which would best suit each unique individual's highest outcome and the most important thing I can do is to move away from my subjective, diagnostic perception, my will-centered need to "define" and to instead open more channels of listening and receiving of the Divine Intelligence.

As long as I am personally invested in a "healing" outcome, attached to my long-studied and aquired technique, (such as Reiki, Essential Energy Balancing, Reflexology...etc.), as long as I seek external confirmation and validation that my skills as a healer are effective, I am ego-invested and therefore blocking the Higher Source's access to my wider healing circuitry. Healing is NOT about ME in the sense that I am responsible for the transformation which takes place in another. I am merely a part of the equation and if I relax all attachment to what this is supposed to look like from the outside and simply hold a deeply attuned listening space with another, I believe the effects are further reaching and more profound and may not necessarily be measureable from the outside at all. I am inviting a quantum presence of healing into my practice and it's currently revolutionizing my life.

We often expect instant pill-popping results with our alternative healing measures and practices, yet healing in not an end result, it is a journey, an on-going process of inner awareness, and integration of one's highest BodyMindSpirit truth with that of the Creator's. As an active part of the mysterious healing equation of another, I can make no guartentees about what the "results" of my intention to offer a healing presence, if any, will be. It is all about moving away from perpetual doubt and skeptism to embody a higher form of trust in the Sacred Source of All Things as it flows from the Universe into Us.

It can be subtly disempowering for another to regard an external representative as the "healer". In this some people further disconnect from their own internal GodSource and give up all sense of being able to affect positive change in their own lives. They may become overly dependent on an outside source, as in their counselor or practitioner. They may then give their power away, staying inert and inactive within their own healing journey, confined to a feeling of lack and inability. Similarly, there are New Age Power-Trippers who are eager to cash in on this vulnerability and assume a mighty and holy position in a person's deflated equation and defeated sense of self.

If we are chronically preoccupied with what is "wrong" with us, with what needs fixing, we may forget the Divine Perfection which is inherent in all things and further separate ourselves from its valuable teaching, or from the Medicine which exists in all of our experiences, however tragic or challenging they may be. Our experiences are our gifts, and we need to accept their gifts before we can truly transform and heal. And we need to realize that healing begins with US, not Mr. Wave-the -Crystal-Wand-Around at $100.00 an hour.

Therefore, being at peace and accepting one's current reality in full techni-colour is essential for being able to embark on an authentic healing journey. This is absolutely key for anyone in the "healing arts". My clients are already perfectly aligned to their own medicine walk, even if they are outwardly manifesting dis-ease and unbearable chronic conditions. Their bodies somehow needed to manifest all of these states in order to help facilitate a higher awareness, to integrate a deeper love. If I can listen and interact with this universal love and compassion, there may be an incredible breakthrough and transformation........or not!

It is truly a blessing and an honour to be invited into someone's "listening and healing" space. I never assume that I am supposed to be there before I am welcomed just because I have healing tools. Nor do I assume that I am the one directly affecting healing in anyone. Even when I am invited, I cannot make guarantees. My client needs to be ready to receive and to open, along with me, to a much deeper listening. In the listening we are giving. I don't seek to extract, remove, transform or rename/ reframe anything for it would be psychically patronizing to be the one to determine these things for another. When someone is ready to let something go in their session, it will go because there is a safe space to do so, with acceptance and love, not because I am pulling, tugging, astrally removing, banishing or exorcising anything. It will go because the teaching has been integrated and it is time to create more room for Universal Love Connection to be expressed both within and without.

With infinite Gratitude for the ever-emerging wisdom of my Elders and Peers, for in this journey of discovery I am truly Blessed.

Charge of the Goddess: Happy Imbolc!

Charge of the Goddess

Traditional by Doreen Valiente, as adapted by Starhawk:

Listen to the words of the Great Mother, Who of old was called Artemis, Astarte, Dione, Melusine, Aphrodite, Cerridwen, Diana, Arionrhod, Brigid, and by many other names:

"Whenever you have need of anything, once a month, and better it be when the moon is full, you shall assemble in some secret place and adore the spirit of Me Who is Queen of all the Wise.

You shall be free from slavery, and as a sign that you be free you shall be naked in your rites.

Sing, feast, dance, make music and love, all in My Presence, for Mine is the ecstasy of the spirit and Mine also is joy on earth.

For My law is love unto all beings. Mine is the secret that opens the door of youth, and Mine is the cup of wine of life that is the cauldron of Cerridwen, that is the holy grail of immortality.

I give the knowledge of the spirit eternal, and beyond death I give peace and freedom and reunion with those that have gone before.

Nor do I demand aught of sacrifice, for behold, I am the Mother of all things and My love is poured out upon the earth.

Hear the words of the Star Goddess, the dust of Whose feet are the hosts of Heaven, whose body encircles the universe:

I Who am the beauty of the green earth and the white moon among the stars and the mysteries of the waters,

I call upon your soul to arise and come unto me.

For I am the soul of nature that gives life to the universe.

From Me all things proceed and unto Me they must return.

Let My worship be in the heart that rejoices, for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.

Let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.

And you who seek to know Me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.

For behold, I have been with you from the beginning, and I am That which is attained at the end of desire."

Blessed Be!